I heard it through the grapevine...

It has been brought to my attention that a relative of mine is very upset with me for something that I wrote on here. I looked over the particular blog entry in question and didn't see anything wrong with it.

When I asked what it was exactly that upset them this is the answer I got:

"Well, I didn't actually read what you wrote, but someone told me about it."

I'm speechless.


“Imagine books and music and movies being filtered and homogenized. Certified. Approved for consumption. People will be happy to give up most of their culture for the assurance that the tiny bit that comes through is safe and clean. White noise.”
-Dialdar Chuck Palahniuk

This is just like television, only you can see much further.

I grew a perfect sunflower in the garden in front of my apartment. It was so perfect it almost didn't look real.
I had spent so much of my time and money on my little 3x8 patch of dirt, planting flowers and bulbs and seeds. Adding a birdbath and a feeder. Weeding it and watering it every day.
It became something that people would stop to admire. Little old ladies would catch me out there in my gardening gloves pruning and planting and weeding and they would chat with me about the colors I chose and how Jon brought some of the bulbs all the way from Holland. It attracted pretty birds and tons of butterflies. It was my very own little oasis in the middle of the city.

Right in the middle of the garden grew one perfect sunflower. Bright and happy surrounded by reds and purples. I didn't even plan it that way, it grew from a random birdseed, which made it even more special. Like a magical little thank you from the garden for taking such good care of it.

One morning I woke up and went to water my garden. I found that someone not only broke my birdbath but they also picked the sunflower. There was nothing left but a little stumpy stem sticking out of the ground.

After that I let the garden die. I just completely neglected it. I let the weeds take over, and let the summer heat dry up the flowers and I let everything die.

Now there is nothing left but a lot of dirt.

I keep wondering if I should bother trying to plant anything this year. I keep trying to find the desire to start over again. Just because I was angry about what someone who didn't even know me, did to me, I let the whole thing go to waste. I let all of it die. All because some random passerby decided to steal my sunflower which never really belonged to me to begin with.

How do you start over again?
Is it possible?
Will it ever be the same again or is it possible it might be even better this time?

It's a girl!

Meet Carys Lynn Price. Isn't she cute?

What Does 200 calories look like?

This website has been passed around the office recently. Interesting to actually see 200 calories. Really puts the whole 1300-1500 calories a day thing into perspective! Here is the link: 200 Calories

Mama's got a new blog!

Not really, but sort of. It is just a silly place to put my doodles. I am a constant doodler. Jon even collects them from time to time and then pulls them out months later and asks me if I remember them. We usually have a good "what were you thinking!" laugh.
I doodle on everything. There is rarely a doodle free bit of paper in the house. I've even been known to do it in the margins of my books!

I decided I might as well have a place where they can all live together. Don't expect greatness, they are just doodles after all! But they are good for a smile sometimes.

Here it is:
CLICK HERE for Oodles of Doodles

Meme thingy about being "weird"

My Mom & My Cousin tagged me to do this one. Since I was tagged twice, I figure I will give it a shot.

Here are THE RULES:
People who get tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says you have tagged them in their comments & tell them to read your blog.

1- When I eat pizza I like to eat all of the toppings off first, and then the cheese and then I eat the soft part after folding it in half first. If I don't have extra sauce to dip the crust in I will throw the crust away. (I don't eat a lot of pizza)

2- I always pay close attention to the first song I hear after midnight on New Years eve because I think it plays a role in how the rest of my year will go. (Something I have been doing for as long as I remember, so I don't believe it like I did when I was a kid anymore, but I still pay attention.)

3- I really think my cats can understand me when I am talking to them. I just can't imagine them having lived with us for as many years as they have and not picked up a little language.

4- I will wander around my apartment in my tank top and panties all day if I don't have to go anywhere. If no one is home I will dance around the house like this.

5- I can flare my nostrils like a bunny.

6- Sometimes my kid and I will eat ice cream or cake or pie for dinner and nothing else.


I'm gonna tag:
1- Thus Spake Drake
2- Flying Waitress
3- My Name is Earl
4- Suzy Q
5- Gordo
6- AndyP

Cat show!

We went to the Seattle Cat Show today. I managed to escape without bringing any new friends home, but it was hard! I did bring a lot of photos home!
Here are a few of the highlights:

Isn't she pretty?

Jon just gave me this as an early Valentine's Day gift! It was a total surprise & something I have been wanting since I first saw it.
HOORAY for surprises!
HOORAY for red!
HOORAY for Jon!

Things I remember:

The round cookie tin that was always filled with butter cookies and coconut cookies that my Grandma kept hidden in her stove.
How my grandma’s house always smelled of fresh brewed coffee.
The old radio that sat on the little kitchen table that she always had on in the early mornings.
The lipstick ring on her pale yellow cups.
The well used deck of cards that sat on the table.
The sound of her shuffling the cards when she played solitaire.
The cute little cheer she did when she would win.
How she gave me my own deck and taught me how to play.
The strong fresh soap smell in her brightly colored bathroom.
The little metal pin curl clips she used to pin her hair under her transparent bonnet.
The soft bristle brush that sat on the counter.
The special lava soap that my grandmother called “Grandpa’s special soap” (He worked at a service station and would get grease under his nails.)
The distinct sound of her laugh and her slightly raspy voice.
How she would cover her feet with her quilt when she would lay down to watch her shows in the afternoon.
How she would snore quietly as soon as her shows started and wake up just in time for them to end.
The little Snoopy dime holder she kept in the window over the sink, when it was full it was $5, she said she used it for our birthday cards.
When I was really young she was the first person I would see early in the mornings.
She would wake me up and ask me if I planned to sleep all day.
I remember her hands while she was using the clothespins to hang sheets on the lines. She had very graceful hands.
I remember her smell, and how it didn’t change whether I was 8 or 18 (the last time I saw her) It was a mix of fresh coffee and soap and her.

I still remember a lot about her, I only wish I got the chance to know her better.

Walnut & all of his cuteness

Just because...

Because you can...
Sing because you have a voice
rejoice in the voice you were given

Breath not only because you have lungs
but because the air is sweet and it is a gift

Run and dance and play
If your body can move, make it celebrate

Touch and hug and kiss and truly enjoy the ecstasy that is feeling

Love because you can

Hurt because sometimes you have to

Forget because that too is a gift

My whole childhood was a dress rehearsal for this life.

This weekend my daughter was complaining that she was bored. I have tried to explain to her that it is her job to find something to do to entertain herself, and I know for a fact that she has plenty to do. I think that when she is saying she is bored, she is more trying to tell me that I need to spend some quality time with her, which is fine.
So, we got to talking about life, and things that I liked to do when I was her age. It has been about a hundred years since I thought really long and hard about any of it. I remembered that when I was just a little bit younger than she is right now I was obsessed with playing house with my best friend. When we still lived in the apartment complex, she lived upstairs and I lived downstairs. We had a bell that we connected between our bedroom windows with a string so we could get each other attention any time of the night. If the bell rang we would stick our heads out the window and talk. Her mother was deaf, so it was not a problem for her when I rang the bell, but my parents were not deaf, so we had to try to be a little more sly when she rang me.
During the day we would take our dolls and all of our doll clothes and set up house on the landing in the stairwell between the apartments. We would spend entire days out there pretending to be mommies to our favorite dolls.
When we got a little older we started to construct really intricate doll houses out of cardboard boxes. I'm surprised that neither of us went into architecture as adults because I remember some of the houses we built were pretty complex. In my house there was always a mommy and a very elaborate baby activity area. The houses I built were very child centered.
As I was telling my daughter all of this she was laughing like she could not believe that all I ever did was sit around and pretend to be a mommy with my friends. I asked her if she ever played house. It suddenly occurred to me that she has never really been attached to any baby dolls like I was a kid. I mean she had a few favorite toys, but they were stuffed Pokemon, not babies.
She said that the closest she ever came to playing house was when, in Kindergarten, she enjoyed organizing the cupboards of the playhouse at the school. She said that it would frustrate her though, because as soon as she was done the other kids would mess it up. (I almost said, "Welcome to motherhood.")
This leads me to wonder about other mothers I know. I know a few that are not natural mothers at all. They do all right, but you can always tell that they would rather be doing something else. They seem more duty bound than anything else. I always get the feeling that they feel like they are doing their time. If given the chance to do it over they would probably choose not to have become parents.
I wonder if they played with dolls when they were kids? Is it something that is a little more predestined than I had originally thought? Are good mothers born and not made after having kids? Are not such good mothers really going against their own nature to do what they think they are supposed to do since they are women?
I'm sure there is no simple black and white answer, it was just something to contemplate on a lazy Sunday. Personally, I've always believed that the one major thing that makes a good parent is having a strong sense of empathy.

Life. Is. Good.

1st- I got to see Amie today which always makes for a good day.

2nd- I was on the bus with my girl and she turned to me out of the blue and said, "Mom, out of the two Elvis', I think Costello is way better than the other guy." I had to text several people right away. I told her I could not be more proud and that my job is done. There is nothing more to teach her.
To which she replied, "Mom, you are so weird."

3rd- On a whim, in the mall, I decided to try on jeans. This is something I normally hate with a burning passion so I just don't do it. Not only did I buy jeans that were two sizes smaller than the last time I went shopping, but they look great! I almost fainted. I was so excited that I changed into them right then and wore them for the rest of the day! Hooray for making healthy lifestyle changes and having them finally pay off!

4th- Darian and I are still on our personal mission to see every romantic comedy that comes out in 2007. We are hoping to see one every weekend. The last few have been sorta hrmph, but today's was a very pleasant surprise. We saw "Because I said so." (I can almost hear a few of you groaning. Don't worry, Jon already groaned at me for it, but she is 12 people, come on! It is better than some of the cartoons I've had to sit through!) It actually had some pretty charming and funny moments. It is worth a rent when you are feeling girly.

5th- I found a really interesting looking book at the book store, I'm going to read it tonight.

6th- There will be an acoustic Posies show in Seattle on May 11th. Details to come. I finally got permission to mention it!

Life is good.

Let me tell you about the time my heart stopped.

My daughter and I have a few routines that we enjoy. One of them is our weekend movie/bookstore routine.
Every few weeks she and I will go see a movie together and after the movie we will go to the book store. She is an avid reader so she tears through books really fast. She already has a pretty impressive bookcase in her bedroom for being as young as she is.
Generally how it goes is; we go into the bookstore of our choice that day, she goes to the section with the books she likes to read and I go over to the section with the books I like to read. I usually already have in mind exactly what I am going to pick up, so it doesn't take me very long to decide. She likes to flip through each book and read the backs, or open it up and read a few pages in the middle to see if it is what she wants.
Most of the time these book stores will have some form of a coffee cart or a cafe so I will go over and buy my Latte and her Chai and will meet her back by her books to tell her that time is up and we need to go pay. (If I didn't do this, she would be looking all day.)
On this particular trip I went and purchased our drinks and meandered back over to where she is always standing and she was GONE!
I didn't panic right away. At first I said her name and peeked around the high bookcases. I said her name again a little louder this time running a full circle around them. Then I saw a man briskly walking out of the store who I remembered seeing looking in the same section as she was when I left her there, I also noticed an emergency exit to the store right next to the shelves that I had not ever noticed before.
At this point my imagination has imagined this man having something to do with why I can't find her. In my mind he had shoved her out the emergency door to a waiting villain in a windowless van and was rushing to meet them out back.
At this point I start shouting her name really loud, I feel like I am going to throw up and I am just about to go running after this man when I hear, "Mom! I'm right here! Gaawwwd! You don't have to shout!"
And there she was, standing right in front of me looking both seriously annoyed with me and pretty embarrassed. The most beautiful person I have ever seen, all pissed off and everything.
It took me every ounce of strength to not throwm my arms around her and burst into tears right then. The adrenaline rush had already started, so I felt almost the same as I did the last time I was the passenger in a major auto accident where no one was hurt. We had to sit down for about five minutes so I could regain my composure.
It turns out she already knew what she was going to get, so this time she decided to go find me. The bookcases are really high so we passed each other on opposite sides and didn't know.

So, this time it was OK. This time she was safe and I was just an overreacting mother, and I am OK with that.
It ended up being a good thing though, because it made us revisit the topic of stranger danger and why you should always keep your cellphone on and charged and "What to do if..."

That was the longest couple of minutes of my life.